Cutting Your ‘Terms and Conditions’ Clause
We live in a transactional world. It is how our market gets by economically and how we have order socially. We exchange one thing to receive another back. This is explicit and implicit in almost all our interactions in the world. It seems as if all things come with a stack of ‘conditions’.
Think:
How are these types of transactions prevalent in your daily life? Think of not only the experiences of an actual exchange of goods or services as a business transaction but also of your personal life, how these may propel you in how you act towards others. Consider the golden rule: treat others how you would like to be treated. When you treat another how you would like to be treated is that only because you want them to then go and treat you that same way?
What goes around comes around
If you’ve ever seen a contract of some form, or barring that even used a coupon before, you have probably noticed the ‘terms and conditions’ clause towards the end. After giving you what you want (or guaranteeing to do so) this is now the time to square things up between parties and make even even. Terms and conditions basically say, now that I’m giving you this here is what I expect from you in return. And what happens should you not pull through on your end of the bargain? The other party will renege on their end if they still can otherwise they will sue you. How will the judge rule: guilty as charged! You have not held up your end of the agreement. This is a social and economical no-no.
Reality check
If this is the environment we live with in order for things to function and have order, how do we curtail it from stepping it’s black and white expectations and assumptions into the rest of our life? How do we eliminate this overarching mindset when we interact with others who there is no business deal in place with; family, friends, and those we even act in charity for? Is there not something we are expecting or even hoping for in return? Maybe not from this person in particular but what about in another such as the idea of karma?
If any part of your relational world has been taken over by ‘terms and conditions’ it is time to cut it from the deal! No good healthy relationship can function when there are expectations and assumptions behind each deed done. If we’re not acting out of love and goodness alone and having in mind for it no destination other than the good of this other, then we’re acting out of terms and conditions. We are being stingy with our selves and with others, even those we love. This is surely off the path to acting in unison with our deepest and truest self. Rather we do this only on occasion without thinking about it or it drives us in nearly every exchange we are part of, now is the time to cut the ‘terms and conditions’ out from your life.
How do we make this cut?
Exercise
This will be a continual process of failure and growth to perfectly eliminate this transactional part of your mind. First, we will reflect on where we are at now with this. Will it be hard for us to be freed from or is it fairly rare that we attach these expectations to our thoughts, beliefs, or actions? Is there a particular cause in which we typically think transactionally? What’s a scenario in which our mind would never think of these types of stipulations? What’s the difference between these two?
The Inside Out Point of View: Terms and Conditions
Now that we have our baseline of understanding behind this internal market place going on in our heads we will go forth keeping in mind 3 easy steps to combat the idea of exchange before our ‘side of the deal’ is even fulfilled.
Anticipate
If this is a scenario in which your past experiences have led you to encounter it in a transactional way then be on particular guard with these same thoughts occurring rather before, after, or during. Always be prepared and on the lookout until proven otherwise.
Realize motivations before
What is driving me to do what I am doing? If there’s any tinge of expectation in return than re-evaluate. It will be a better deal for all those involved if you hold off until you are able to operate in such a way that is transparent and not going to cause any sort of mixed emotions by a broken ‘agreement’ that was made known only to your underlying motivation.
Do a check-in with yourself during and after
How am I feeling? If it’s a good feeling that has any hint of attachment to some extrinsic benefit then somewhere along these steps you have gone wrong–dust it off and try again, it’s a long and arduous road to perfecting this one. If the feeling is there all on it’s on, independent of any impending things to come, then you have acted from yourself. This is real love.
Note: It is important in these steps to not skip one hoping the others will improve on their own. While step one is a raising of your awareness and will help increase your odds to passing step three, step three can never be accomplished if you have not already gotten step two in line.
The beauty of life removed from its terms and conditions
By successfully incorporating these simple reminders into your daily life, you can successfully cut the ‘terms and conditions’ from your everyday living. Once you have gotten proficient on your end then you can even begin to search others on theirs too. Everybody deserves a source of unconditional love. If you have not found yours in someone or something then it is time to go searching for that someone who can offer it to you.