Two Simple Rules to Have the Best First Date
Awe first dates…what a beautiful and weird time. The perfect mix of anxiousness and excitement; smooth conversations and awkwardness. While any first date usually contains a little bit of all of this, for the bad ones there are definitely more uncomfortable and awkward moments than not. With the simple two rules that follow, I hope to set you up for the good stuff– the perfect first date. We don’t need any of that other stuff…
Know yourself first
A first date is all about getting to know each other better. How can you do this if you’re still getting to know yourself? I’ll tell you from personal experience it doesn’t work out very well. I was a late bloomer in becoming who I am–still working through it today. As I began to date more in college it was impossible to find a lasting connection. Why? It was a one-way date! I was still finding out who I was and so on dates I was morphing myself to fit and complement the other. While this may be beneficial to a degree in marriage, it is not for just getting to know someone. You have to be authentically yourself as best as you know yourself. If you don’t know yourself very well yet, you’re better off waiting until you figure it out–trust me. This would have saved me a lot of frustration and heartbreak which certainly slowed the process of me becoming more myself. Finding a lifelong connection is a dangerous game. There’re not many perfect fits for you out there. This means there’s going to be more rejection and heartbreak than not. It’s a painful process but one I would endure a hundred times over to land the wonderful spouse I now share my life with. When you find that one amongst the many, all the awkward and uncomfortable moments and all the heartbreak and tears will be worth it. A lifelong partnership is a big deal. You will be hurt and refined a little by the process, but I can assure you it will be much less so if you take the time to know yourself before you begin.
Don’t rush it
What’s the rush anyway? We’re talking a lifelong commitment here! That’s a lot of time and beyond the years you’re blessed to share together there is even more time together on any given day. From waking up together to going to bed together at night, that’s a lot of being with that one person. Way more than you’re used to right now with anyone you consider yourself close to. When you’re married you’ll come to find out that those relationships you thought were strong have nothing on your marriage. It’s a different ball game or comparing apples to oranges. It is the big kahuna of the social realm. There’s nothing else like it. Understand that and give it the respect it deserves. Don’t rush the process and enter only when you’re ready. This will be different for everyone, don’t worry about it. What seems right for you is all you have to concern yourself with. Whether you’re 12 or 32, when you know yourself and what you want then you’re ready. Then, and only then, proceed with the process and begin having the first dates. It may be tough at times, but if you know yourself then you’ll have nothing to lose and everything to gain by it. A lifelong partnership is a big deal and finding the right person for yourself is the greatest gift in this life. When you take the time to first get to know yourself, and respect who you are, you can then go on the exciting and adventurous journey to finding the right person for who you are. If you don’t know who you are yet, that’s fine but there’s no reason to be looking for the right person for you yet–how could you know if they’re right or not before you know what you need? A happy relationship is the greatest gift, but if you rush into the process of dating before you’re ready you will likely end up with something else. Until you firmly know who you are and what you need in another person, any relationship you build will be built on a lie and lies cannot hold through a lifelong journey together. Trust the process and enjoy the process. There’s plenty of time to get there–we’re talking a lifetime remember. Don’t rush it or force it. A lifetime can either seem like a blink of the eye with the right person or a really really long time if you rush it along before you’re ready–it’s just not worth it. Better to have not than to share your life with someone who isn’t right for you. Figure out what’s right for you and be damn sure what that is before you start looking for it. Don’t take this lightly. It is not playing a game like it is so commonly referred to as. It’s a big deal and there’s a lot at stake. Get to know yourself and, if it’s meant to be, soon enough you’ll find the perfect person to complement who you are–it’s worth it when you do and it’s everything you hope it to be. There’s a whole life for you to enjoy it–take your time and do it right. Don’t skip steps or there’ll be nothing to enjoy in it at all. Proceed as it feels right for you (not for anyone else) and trust the process when you do–you’ll never regret it if you take your time and enter in too slowly but you’ll always regret it if you enter in before you were ready.